5LoveisaFallacy課文[共80頁]

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1、Love is a Fallacy Max Shulman1 Charles Lamb, as merry and enterprising a fellow as you will meet in a month of Sundays, unfettered the informal essay with his memorable Old China and Dreams Children. There follows an informal essay that ventures even beyond Lambs frontier, indeed, informal may not b

2、e quite the right word to describe this essay; limp or flaccid or possibly spongy are perhaps more appropriate. 2 Vague though its category, it is without doubt an essay. It develops an argument; it cites instances; it reaches a conclusion. Could Carlyle do more? Could Ruskin ? 3 Read, then, the fol

3、lowing essay which undertakes to demonstrate that logic, far from being a dry, pedantic discipline, is a living, breathing thing, full of beauty, passion, and trauma -Authors Note4 Cool was I and logical. Keen, calculating, perspicacious, acute and astute-I was all of these. My brain was as powerful

4、 as a dynamo, as precise as a chemists scales, as penetrating as a scalpel. And-think of it! -I was only eighteen. 5 It is not often that one so young has such a giant intellect. Take, for example, Petey Butch, my roommate at the University of Minnesota. Same age, same background, but dumb as an ox.

5、 A nice enough young fellow, you understand, but nothing upstairs. Emotional type. Unstable. Impressionable. Worst of all, a faddist. Fads, I submit, are the very negation of reason. To be swept up in every new craze that comes along, to surrender yourself to idiocy just because everybody else is do

6、ing it-this, to me, is the acme of mindlessness. Not, however, to Petey.6 One afternoon I found Petey lying on his bed with an expression of such distress on his face that I immediately diagnosed appendicitis. Dont move, I said. Dont take a laxative. Ill get a doctor.7 Raccoon, he mumbled thickly.8

7、Raccoon? I said, pausing in my flight.9 1 want a raccoon coat, he wailed.10 I perceived that his trouble was not physical, but mental. Why do you want a raccoon coat?11 1 should have known it, he cried, pounding his temples. 1 should have known theyd come back when the Charleston came back. Like a f

8、ool I spent all my money for textbooks, and now I cant get a raccoon coat.12 Can you mean. I said incredulously, that people are actually wearing raccoon coats again?13 All the Big Men on Campus are wearing them. Whereve you been?14 In the library, I said, naming a place not frequented by Big Men on

9、 Campus15 He leaped from the bed and paced the room, Ive got to have a raccoon coat, he said passionately. Ive got to!16 Petey, why? Look at it rationally. Raccoon coats are unsanitary. They shed. They smell bad. They weight too much. Theyre unsightly. They-17 You dont understand, he interrupted imp

10、atiently. Its the thing to do. Dont you want to be in the swim?18 No, I said truthfully.19 Well, I do, he declared. Id give anything for a raccoon coat. Anything!20 My brain, that precision instrument, slipped into high gear. Anything? I asked, looking at him narrowly.21 Anything, he affirmed in rin

11、ging tones.22 I stroked my chin thoughtfully. It so happened that I knew where to set my hands on a raccoon coat. My father had had one in his undergraduate days; it lay now in a trunk in the attic back home. It also happened that Petey had something I wanted. He didnt have it exactly, but at least

12、he had first rights on it. I refer to his girl, Polly Espy.23 I had long coveted Polly Espy. Let me emphasize that my desire for this young woman was not emotional in nature. She was, to be sure, a girl who excited the emotions but I was not one to let my heart rule my head. I wanted Polly for a shr

13、ewdly calculated, entirely cerebral reason.24 I was a freshman in law school. In a few years I would be out in practice. I was well aware of the importance of the right kind of wife in furthering a lawyers career. The successful lawyers I had observed were, almost without exception, married to beaut

14、iful, gracious, intelligent women. With one omission, Polly fitted these specifications perfectly.25 Beautiful she was. She was not yet of pin-up proportions but I felt sure that time would supply the lack She already had the makings.26 Gracious she was. By gracious I mean full of graces. She had an

15、 erectness of carriage, an ease of bearing, a poise that clearly indicated the best of breeding, At table her manners were exquisite. I had seen her at the Kozy Kampus Korner eating the specialty of the house-a sandwich that contained scraps of pot roast, gravy, chopped nuts, and a dipper of sauerkr

16、aut-without even getting her fingers moist.27 Intelligent she was not. in fact, she veered in the opposite direction. But I believed that under my guidance she would smarten up. At any rate, it was worth a try. It is, after all, easier to make a beautiful dumb girl smart than to make an ugly smart g

17、irl beautiful.28 Petey, I said, are you in love with Polly Espy?29 1 think shes a keen kid, he replied, but I dont know if youd call it love. Why?30 Do you, I asked, have any kind of formal arrangement with her? I mean are you going steady or anything like that?31 No. We see each other quite a bit,

18、but we both have other dates. Why?32 Is there, I asked, any other man for whom she has a particular fondness?33 Not that I know of. Why?34 I nodded with satisfaction. In other words, if you were out of the picture, the field would be open. Is that right?35 1 guess so. What are you getting at?36 Noth

19、ing, nothing, I said innocently, and took my suitcase out of the closet.37 Where are you going? asked Petey.38 Home for the weekend. I threw a few things into the bag.39 Listen, he said, clutching my arm eagerly, while youre home, you couldnt get some money from your old man, could you, and lend it

20、to me so I can buy a raccoon coat?40 1 may do better than that, I said with a mysterious wink and closed my bag and left.41 Look, I said to Petey when I got back Monday morning. I threw open the suitcase and revealed the huge, hairy, gamy object that my father had worn in his Stutz Bearcat in 1925.4

21、2 Holy Toledo! said Petey reverently. He plunged his hands into the raccoon coat and then his face. Holy Toledo! he repeated fifteen or twenty times.43 Would you like it? I asked.44 Oh yes! he cried, clutching the greasy peltto him. Then a canny look came into his eyes. What do you want for it?45 Yo

22、ur girl, I said, mincing no words.46 Polly? he said in a horrified whisper. You want Polly?47 Thats right.48 He flung the coat from him. Never, he said stoutly.49 I shrugged. Okay. If you dont want to be in the swim, I guess its your business.50 I sat down in a chair and pretended to read a book, bu

23、t out of the corner of my eye I kept watching Petey. He was a torn man. First he looked at the coat with the expression of a waif at a bakery window. Then he turned away and set his jaw resolutely. Then he looked back at the coat, with even more longing in his face. Then he turned away, but with not

24、 so much resolution this time. Back and forth his head swiveled, desire waxing, resolution waning . Finally he didnt turn away at all; he just stood and stared with mad lust at the coat.51 It isnt as though I was in love with Polly, he said thickly. Or going steady or anything like that.52 Thats rig

25、ht, I murmured.53 Whats Polly to me, or me to Polly?54 Not a thing, said I.55 Its just been a casual kick -just a few laughs, thats all.56 Try on the coat, said I. 57 He complied. The coat bunched high over his ears and dropped all the way down to his shoe tops. He looked like a mound of dead raccoo

26、ns. Fits fine, he said happily.58 I rose from my chair. Is it a deal? I asked, extending my hand.59 He swallowed. Its a deal, he said and shook my hand.60 I had my first date with Polly the following evening. This was in the nature of a survey; I wanted to find out just how much work I had to do to

27、get her mind up to the standard I required. I took her first to dinner. Gee, that was a delish （=delicious） dinner, she said as we left the restaurant. Then I took her to a movie. Gee, that was a marvy (=marvelous) movie, she said as we left the theater. And then I took her home. Gee, I had a sensay

28、sh (=sensational) time, she said as she bade me good night.61 I went back to my room with a heavy heart. I had gravely underestimated the size of my task. This girls lack of information was terrifying. Nor would it be enough merely to supply her with information First she had to be taught to think.

29、This loomed as a project of no small dimensions, and at first I was tempted to give her back to Petey. But then I got to thinking about her abundant physical charms and about the way she entered a room and the way she handled a knife and fork, and I decided to make an effort.62 I went about it, as i

30、n all things, systematically. I gave her a course in logic. It happened that I, as a law student, was taking a course in logic myself, so I had all the facts at my finger tips. Polly, I said to her when I picked her up on our next date, tonight we are going over to the Knolland talk.63 0o, terrif (=

31、terrific), she replied. One thing I will say for this girl: you would go far to find another so agreeable.64 We went to the Knoll, the campus trysting place, and we sat down under an old oak, and she looked at me expectantly. What are we going to talk about? she asked.65 Logic.66 She thought this ov

32、er for a minute and decided she liked it. Magnif (=magnificent), she said.67 Logic, I said, clearing my throat, is the science of thinking. Before we can think correctly, we must first learn to recognize the common fallacies of logic. These we will take up tonight.68 Wow-dow! she cried, clapping her

33、 hands delightedly.69 I winced, but went bravely on. First let us examine the fallacy called Dicto Simpliciter.70 By all means, she urged, batting her lashes eagerly.71, Dicto Simpliciter means an argument based on an unqualified generalization. For example: Exercise is good. Therefore everybody sho

34、uld exercise.72 1 agree, said Polly earnestly. 1 mean exercise is wonderful. I mean it builds the body and everything.73 Polly, I said gently, the argument is a fallacy. Exercise is good is an unqualified generalization. For instance, if you have heart disease, exercise is bad, not good. Many people

35、 are ordered by their doctors not to exercise. You must qualify the generalization. You must say exercise is usually good, or exercise is good for most people. Otherwise you have committed a Dicto Simpliciter. Do you see?74 No, she confessed. But this is marvy. Do more! Do morel75 It will be better

36、if you stop tugging at my sleeve, I told her, and when she desisted, I continued: Next we take up a fallacy called Hasty Generalization. Listen carefully: You cant speak French. I cant speak French. Petey Burch cant speak French. I must therefore conclude that nobody at the University of Minnesota c

37、an speak French.76 Really? said Polly, amazed. Nobody?77 I hid my exasperation. Polly, its a fallacy. The generalization is reached too hastily. There are too few instances to support such a conclusion.78 Know any more fallacies? she asked breathlessly. This is more fun than dancing even.79 I fought

38、 off a wave of despair. I was getting nowhere with this girl absolutely nowhere. Still, I am nothing if not persistent. I continued.80 Next comes Post Hoc. Listen to this: Lets not take Bill on our picnic. Every time we take him out with us, it rains. 81 1 know somebody like that, she exclaimed. A g

39、irl back home-Eula Becker, her name is, it never falls. Every single time we take her on a picnic-82 Polly, I said sharply, its a fallacy. Eula Becker doesnt cause the rain. She has no connection with the rain. You are guilty of Post Hoc if you blame Eula Becker. 83 I11 never do that again, she prom

40、ised contritely. Are you mad at me?84 I sighed deeply. No, Polly, Im not mad.85 Then tell me some more fallacies.86 All right. Lets try Contradictory Premises.87 Yes, lets, she chirped, blinking her eyes happily.88 I frowned, but plunged ahead. Heres an example of Contradictory Premises: If God can

41、do anything, can He make a stone so heavy that He wont be able to lift it?89 Of course, she replied promptly.90 But if He can do anything, He can lift the stone, I pointed out.91 Yeah, she said thoughtfully. Well, then I guess He cant make the stone.92 But He can do anything, I reminded her.93 She s

42、cratched her pretty, empty head. Im all confused, she admitted.94 Of course you are. Because when the premises of an argument contradict each other, there can be no argument. If there is an irresistible force, there can be no immovable object. If there is an immovable object, there can be no irresis

43、tible force. Get it? 95 Tell me some more of this keen stuff, she said eagerly.96 I consulted my watch. 1 think wed better call it a night. Ill take you home now, and you go over all the things youve learned. Well have another session tomorrow night.97 I deposited her at the girls dormitory, where s

44、he assured me that she had had a perfectly terrif evening, and I went glumly to my room. Petey lay snoring in his bed, the raccoon coat huddled like a great hairy beast at his feet. For a moment I considered waking him and telling him that he could have his girl back. It seemed clear that my project

45、 was doomed to failure. The girl simply had a logic-proof head.98 But then I reconsidered. I had wasted one evening: I might as well waste another. Who knew? Maybe somewhere in the extinct crater of her mind, a few embers still smoldered. Maybe somehow I could fan them into flame. Admittedly it was

46、not a prospect fraught with hope, but I decided to give it one more try.99 Seated under the oak the next evening I said, Our first fallacy tonight is called Ad Misericordiam.100 She quivered with delight.101 Listen closely, I said. A man applies for a job. When the boss asks him what his qualificati

47、ons are, he replies that he has a wife and six children at home, the wife is a helpless cripple, the children have nothing to eat, no clothes to wear, no shoes on their feet, there are no beds in the house, no coal in the cellar, and winter is coming.102 A tear rolled down each of Pollys pink cheeks

48、. Oh, this is awful, awful, she sobbed.103 Yes, its awful, I agreed, but its no argument. The man never answered the bosss questions about his qualifications. Instead he appealed to the bosss sympathy. He committed the fallacy of Ad Misericordiam. Do you understand?104 Have you got a handkerchief? s

49、he blubbered.105 I handed her a handkerchief and tried to keep from screaming while she wiped her eyes. Next, I said in a carefully controlled tone, we will discuss False Analogy. Here is an example: Students should be allowed to look at their textbooks during examinations. After all, surgeons have

50、X-rays to guide them during an operation, lawyers have briefs to guide them during a trial, carpenters have blueprints to guide them when they are building a house. Why, then, shouldnt students be allowed to look at their textbooks during an examination?106 There now, she said enthusiastically, is t

51、he most marvy idea Ive heard in years.107 Polly, I said testily, the argument is all wrong. Doctors, lawyers, and carpenters arent taking a test to see how much they have learned, but students are. The situations are altogether different, and you cant make an analogy between them.108 1 still think i

52、ts a good idea, said Polly.109 Nuts, I muttered. Doggedly I pressed on. Next well try Hypothesis Contrary to Fact.110 Sounds yummy, was Pollys reaction.111 Listen: If Madame Curie had not happened to leave a photographic plate in a drawer with a chunk of pitchblende (n.瀝青油礦), the world today would n

53、ot know about radium .112 True, true, said Polly, nodding her head. Did you see the movie? Oh, it just knocked me out. That Walter Pidgeon is so dreamy. I mean he fractures me. 113 If you can forget Mr. Pidgeon for a moment, I said coldly, I would like to point out that the statement is a fallacy. M

54、aybe Madame Curie would have discovered radium at some later date. Maybe somebody else would have discovered it. Maybe any number of things would have happened. You cant start with a hypothesis that is not true and then draw any supportable conclusions from it.114 They ought to put Walter Pidgeon in

55、 more pictures, said Polly. I hardly ever see him any more.115 One more chance, I decided. But just one more. There is a limit to what flesh and blood can bear. The next fallacy is called Poisoning the Well.116 How cute! she gurgled.117 Two men are having a debate. The first one gets up and says, My

56、 opponent is a notorious liar. You cant believe a word that he is going to say. . Now, Polly, think. Think hard. Whats wrong?118 I watched her closely as she knit her creamy brow in concentration. Suddenly, a g1immer of intelligencethe first I had seen-came into her eyes. Its not fair, she said with

57、 indignation. Its not a bit fair. What chance has the second man got if the first man calls him a liar before he even begins talking?119 Right! I cried exultantly. One hundred percent right. Its not fair. The first man has poisoned the well before anybody could drink from it. He has hamstrung his op

58、ponent before he could even start. Polly, Im proud of you. 120 Pshaw she murmured, blushing with pleasure.121 You see, my dear, these things arent so hard All you have to do is concentrate. Think-examineevaluate. Come now, lets review everything we have learned.”122 Fire away, she said with an airy

59、wave of her hand.123 Heartened by the knowledge that Polly was not altogether a cretin , I began a long, patient review of all I had told her. Over and over and over again I cited instances pointed out flaws, kept hammering away without let-up. It was like digging a tunnel. At first everything was w

60、ork, sweat, and darkness. I had no idea when I would reach the light, or even if I would. But I persisted. I pounded and clawed and scraped, and finally I was rewarded. I saw a chink of light. And then the chink got bigger and the sun came pouring in and all was bright.124 Five grueling nights this

61、took, but it was worth it. I had made a logician out of Polly; I had taught her to think. My job was done. She was worthy of me at last. She was a fit wife for me, a proper hostess for my many mansions, a suitable mother for my well-heeled children.125 It must not be thought that I was without love

62、for this girl. Quite the contrary, Just as Pygmalion loved the perfect woman he had fashioned, so I loved mine. I determined to acquaint her with my feeling at our very next meeting. The time had come to change our relationship from academic to romantic.126 Polly, I said when next we sat beneath our

63、 oak, tonight we will not discuss fallacies.127 Aw, gee, she said, disappointed.128 My dear, I said, favoring her with a smile, “we have now spent five evenings together. We have gotten along splendidly. It is clear that we are well matched.”129 “Hasty Generalization,” said Polly brightly.130 “I beg your pardon,” said I.131 “Hasty Generalization,” she repeated. “How can you say that we are well matched on the basis of only five dates?”132 I chuckled with amus